Nipsey Hussle

I wish the good died old, in their beds after living a life of fulfillment.

This brings back emotions of when I found out a fellow local artist also passed away from gun violence a few months. It’s unbelievably wild to think that a person that has so many plans to be better and do better did not get the opportunity to do so over circumstances that could easily be avoided. I don’t know the circumstance surrounding Nipsey, and for now, I think it’s too early for conspiracy suspicions, though it may seem odd. Someone’s husband, son, brother, cousin, FATHER is gone. From what I’ve learned, he was going to be force of positive change to be reckoned with. It’s not too late or impossible to see through all of his goals and plans, but it’s just sad he won’t be around to witness it come to fruition.

SXSW 2019

I don’t even know where to begin! This has been one of the best experiences of my life, so far.

I basically spent an entire week living out the lifestyle that I’ve always wanted. Late nights and early mornings just eating, sleeping and breathing music. There’s something so special about getting wasted the night before and waking up, on time, with NO hangover for an 8am rehearsal. After rehearsal, work some more on my own shit while the rest of the house disbursed to do whatever. And after that? A random mid-morning nap to recharge and then hop in the shower to take on the rest of the day.

To be around so many people that share the same aspirations as I do is a blessing, and nothing could ever compare. I’m so inspired by the people that I shared a house with. Now that I’m back home writing this, all I want to do is go back and live out just ONE more of those days. It kinda hurts to think that I’d have to wait another year to make that trip down to Texas again. God willing, there will be another trip or 2 in between that embodies the life I’m meant to live.

I guess this post is mainly about the spirituality of this trip and and not completely about the actualities of it. Spiritually, it’s what I’ve needed for quite some time now. In actuality, the shit was still dope lol. Who knew living in a house of 15+ people and limited space could so invigorating!

This trip has motivated me in a different kind of way. Everything that I’ve dreamed of came to fruition during that week. It showed me that my dreams aren’t just a figment of my imagination but premonitions that are guaranteed.

Resolutions

As the new year progresses, I’ve been trying to stick to some simple resolutions. With these, I believe that I can truly take on this year and achieve all the goals I have set for myself.

  1. Protect Your Brand.

    I’ve worked really hard to get to this point with my music and how it’s presented. I’ve noticed that there are those that easily tell me that I’m “lucky” or “wow, that must be so easy”. The truth is.. I WORKED FOR THIS. Be not confused for THIS is what actual WORK looks like. Even with this website that you are currently on, it is managed by me and designed in the way I envisioned it to be.

  2. Respect The Red Flag.

    A high school friend of mine said this line in an Instagram story and it’s definitely stuck with me. In the midst of all that you do, at some point you’ll have work and/or deal with others. It is so important to not only recognize red flags but to respect them enough to back away from something that will inevitably end up badly. We all have the tools necessary to avoid being placed in an unideal situation but sometimes we ignore the signs simply because we just want things to.. “work out”. Save yourself the headache. Respect the red flag, and go live your best life.

  3. Protect Your Energy.

    This one is the most important. The first 2 cannot be done without this one. When you can recognize, on a cosmic level, that something isn’t going to go well, you must act accordingly. Protecting my energy helps me protect my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. When your energy is in line, protecting the brand becomes easier because you’re clear on what decisions need to be made; Respecting the red flag becomes second nature when your energy is protected and preserved.

Premonitions

I’m starting to feel a shift in the atmosphere, a movement in the universe. And it feels absolutely amazing. I have this feeling deep inside that greatness is closer than I realize. Even in the middle of chill days where I spend most of my time in the house, wearing my favorite sweats with my hair tied up, I can feel it. It’s so undeniable, and it fills me with utmost joy.

The name of the game as of right now is to just stay ready. My time is coming.

Woes

The last year and a half has been such a roller coaster. So much so, I almost wouldn’t dare to expose the extent of fuckery I’ve been dealing with. There are times where I feel that I’m stuck but truthfully, I’m really just full of shit sometimes and I get lazy. It’s a lot to juggle and I’m still trying to figure out the best way to go about it especially when it comes to my time management. There’s so much work to do; I don’t know if there’s enough hours in the day.

As the year comes to a close, I have to really put it out there, once and for all, that the work that I do outside of my day job is what matters the most. The music is what matters most. Creativity is what matters most. Building something greater than myself is what matters most. And I will pursue that, unapologetically.

Great-full

Lately, it’s been feeling like the world is against me and is trying to keep me from rising to my highest potential. And somewhere in the middle of darkness that I find myself in, there’s always some kind of light that keeps me going. I have no idea what exactly “it” is but I can see it. I can feel it. Maybe it’s that “light at the end of the tunnel” people refer to. Maybe it’s the light of my divine calling to chase my passions to the ends of the earth. Whatever it is, it fills me such warmth and joy and happiness in a way that words could never truly describe. The best part is that it keeps me driven and certain about what I want out of this lifetime.

Frustrations

You know.. life has been happening lately and I'm starting to feel like I just wanna spazz. I feel like everything is irritating me. I even irritate myself. I feel like the ones who said that they'd be in my corner are, for whatever reason, just m.i.a. I can be sympathetic to life issues, I really can, but I feel abandoned most of the time.

After a series of a few unfortunate celebrity suicides, there was a wave of online memes asking people to "check on their strong friend". I haven't had anyone check on me yet. This isn't an admission of any mental health issues, but that's just how I've been feeling: no one really checks for me.

Unexpected

There are moments where I feel so angry at a situation simply because I have no control over it. I feel like I know what should be done to make everything better, but, because I can't directly do anything, it just leaves me weak from trying so hard. You could be doing every thing right, and shit could still go left without any warning. Learning to let go is hard, but I've gotten better at doing so. Because of that, I allow myself to be angry; I allow myself to cry when the time calls for it. My feelings are valid despite what the world tells me I should feel like. My emotions are the most important part of me. They remind me that I'm human, and they keep me grounded. And as ugly as they can get sometimes, just to catch a glimpse of how beautiful they are makes it all worth it.

Roller Coaster

It was pretty crazy last week. There was a lot of unexpected ups and downs. So much so, I really don't know how to feel overall. I guess it depends on the hour.

One hour I'm stressing over car problems; the next hour, I'm feeling great because I booked another gig; the hour after that, I'm back to stressing about my car because I have to find a way to get to my interview out in Queens at WVMR Radio, and at the exact same time.. I'm happy because I have a radio interview! A clusterfuck at its finest, really.

I'm hoping that this week brings more emotional stability on the positive side of the spectrum. There's still so much work to be done to get to where I need/want to be. These distractions and worries need to be put to rest.

Reflections

I recently released my EP, “It Would’ve All Been Different”. I’ve gotten different feedback but all of them for the most part has been extremely positive. And one of the things that I wanted to convey was a sense of transparency that I feel like we’re all missing. Isn’t it crazy how it’s so hard to find love even though everyone is looking for it? At some points, it’s okay to turn DOWN for once and just let your spirit guide you wherever it needs to take you. Sometimes that’s going to include going down a dark path, but without darkness there could be no light.